Entry tags:

misc

Danganronpin'

Did you know there's an alternative universe out there where teen me's choice of japanese-only story-based game was Dangaronpa instead of Mother 3?
While reading a videogame magazine I saw a report on the DR entry with the pink bear and got very curious about it. Sadly, as I neither had a PSP nor japanese knowledge all I did was to sigh and flip the page. I'm very curious about her.

Either way, that series got stuck in the back of my mind ever since. I never bothered to look into it, but it was a constant "Hmm... I should check what Uchikoshi's bestie is doing..."

Well, it seems the universe thought today was the day to stop that and slipped a subbed version of the stageplay (it had one!?) in my Youtube front page, and so, I have become the first person to ever get into DR via a theater out all things.

I don't think I have heard the word "Despair" that much on my life lol
Before watching this, all my Dangaronoa knowledge was: The fingers in his ass video and the existence of the pink bear and Junko (the later because 999, I was excited about her because I read Kodaka based her off Clover)

Aaaaaand... I have to say it surprised me a lot!
The plot was as if an edgy teen wrote it (in a good way). It was all normal, and then after Junko appeared and started to blurt out shit, I was like "!?!?!? That's crazy lmao", I can see why Uchikoshi is friends with this guy.

I loved the monokuma dancers, and while the stage probably cut 90% of plot, I have to say seeing adults having beef with an actual plush more than made up for it lol.

Everyone's acting was amaaaaaaazing as well, Leon's execution was 🔥🔥🔥
The costumes as well, I haven't looked up how the characters look like in-game, but the wigs and clothew were crazy so I assume they're pretty faithful.

Overall, I enjoyed it lots and I think I'm gonna try out the games :)
I don't know how they treat the female characters like, but at the very least in the stage I liked them a bunch, it's nice how diverse they are.

The only things I see online about Danganronpa are self-hating fans going "Haha this game sucks", I don't think I have ever seen people being happy or genuine about it...
But since it's that famous I thought surely it had to have *something* at least...?
And yeah, I'm glad I gave it a chance, gave me an entertaining afternoon.

Criticising stuff you like is fine and we should do it, but please remember to be genuine as well...!! Even if everyone thinks something you enjoy sucks, please stand for yourself a bit. Cringe is dead and all that jazz.

Entry tags:

"Not Right, Not-Left, Just Online"

I need to make a more introspective and serious article-like writing about this one day when my brain isn't broken. ... That being said, Katherine Dee's latest blog post had me thinking.

Snippet from article about the anti-woke sphere

THE ALT-MEDIA ECOSYSTEM

Here’s a story most of you already know. COVID was a great time to try your hand at Internet celebrity. Institutional trust—CNN, Fox, the New York Times, Fauci, the WHO—collapsed for millions of people who suddenly needed new ways to make sense of the world.

And what filled that vacuum? The so-called “right-wing” alt media. What nobody wants to say about these creators, except for maybe the creators themselves, is that they—and indeed, the whole ecosystem they belong to—are not strictly right-wing. They are “not-left” but they aren’t on the right.

Being “not-left” during COVID was simple. All you had to do was disagree with lockdowns and mandates. That low bar brought in a huge tent of people. The tent, of course, had already been built by the excesses of wokeness, #MeToo, etc. COVID filled it out.
These creators shared one message: “The mainstream media is lying to you. We’re telling the truth.” In many cases, they were right. This “not-left” group was absorbed into the Online Right, a sprawling ecosystem that includes everyone from the Dissident Right to anti-woke crypto hucksters to Nick Fuentes’ groypers to Intellectual Dark Web figures to mainstream conservative podcasters to dozens of smaller micro-subcultures and ideologies.

I’m skeptical that the left doesn’t have the same media power—last time I checked, there are more liberal podcasts, magazines, TV shows, etc. than any one person could count. But it could be that they just don’t have the same political influence. Whatever the case, the specter of the Online Right and Alt-Media Ecosystem emerged, full-force, during the podcast election.

MAGA CHANGES EVERYTHINGTrump’s 2024 win exposed the fault lines in what everyone assumed was a unified “right-wing” movement. For some people, being anti-establishment got complicated when your side controlled the establishment. A lot of people who’d been lumped in with the right realized (or had always known) they didn’t like Trump or his politics—it was just that there was nowhere to go. Some people simply changed their mind.
Whatever the reasons, this fracturing created a massive opportunity. All these people with huge, engaged audiences who’d been accidentally sorted into the “right-wing” category were suddenly politically homeless again. They didn’t want to be MAGA cheerleaders, but they also couldn’t go back to a left that had already expelled them for “thought crimes.”

THE GREAT REALIGNMENT Now we’re seeing different types of these creators and audiences sorting themselves out:

The Post-Right: People who burnt out on the online right-wing ecosystem entirely. Think Richard Hanania, Nick Fuentes1, or even Richard Spencer. They’re not leftists, they’re not people who were mislabeled during COVID, #MeToo, or “peak woke,” but they do reject the current-state of the Right. Sometimes they’re Democrats who took “the scenic route.” Sometimes these people are opportunists. Sometimes they’ve evolved.
The Post-Anti-Woke: Contrarians and other anti-woke voices who don’t like the state of the Right or “anti-woke” media. They built audiences criticizing progressive excess. Some may have even voted for Trump. Too anti-progressive for the present-day left, too anti-Trump for the right.
Centrists Drifting Right: People responding to audience incentives and cultural energy. They’re following where the engagement is (which has been rightward) or discovering they’re more right-wing than they thought.
The Older Liberal Center: Similar to the post-anti-woke but coming from a different starting point. These are traditional liberals who never went full-bore woke nor did they pivot to anti-woke. Here, I’m thinking of somebody like Ezra Klein or Gavin Newsom’s new stance.
The Grift Doubling-Down: Online right figures who’ve discovered that rage-bait pay the bills better than nuanced takes. They’re trapped in an increasingly extreme content cycle to maintain their audiences.
The New Old Left: I see more and more of these people every day. They’re leftists—and use that word—but they’re trying to improve their theory of mind of the right. They focus more on class than other dimensions of identity.

I've more or less "retired" from this, but I do remember how the pandemic was a gold age of "alternative thinkers" taking advantage of how many people were stuck inside and angry about it. I'll never forget how wrapped up I was in this sphere after my county went under lockdown. I've wasted 7 years of my life to "controversial politics" and making "unpopular opinions" so centric to myself. I haven't bothered to check out "where are they now" with a lot of the content I watched 5 years ago. I don't know if I want to find out. But now liberals and the portion of the left that didn't fall into pure antisemitism are trying to jump in on this train with the whole "dark woke" thing that's pro-offensive but anti-conservative for lack of a better description.

During lockdown it was easy to see all sides as the same and part of "the establishment", near the end of 2018 I became blackpilled and got lovebombed by a tankie who was the only person who reached out to me during an isolated time. When Biden won, it was also easy to continue being "anti-woke" because it was counter-cultural to be conservative. Now that Trump won, the anti-wokes have become "the culture", and seeing everything that's happened in the last 8 months... It isn't fucking worth it to obsess over what "woke" AKA more of a prescriptive than descriptive label even is. I really think obsessing over "wokeness" is borderline privileged when the economy, housing, and healthcare is more important. The "ex-liberal" morons will become single issue over "wokes" and vote Republican, despite nearly every recent recession being caused by a Republican. So many people have been laid off, had their medicaid slashed, veterans benefits lost, and so on, but at least we don't have "woke DEI / CRT" anymore!!! At least we don't see rainbows everywhere anymore!!! Shut up man lol. I never cared about the "DEI" and "CRT" shit. It felt similar to how I felt like I "had to" be on board with Leninism or whatever because I had other opinions in that umbrella. So I just sheep'd in the other direction by nodding along with psychos pretending these were the worst thing ever.

The "big tent" aspect was there in 2020 too. There was always a mix of actual right wingers, MAGA, classical liberals (technically center-right), "old school" anti-idpol Marxists, all under this one umbrella. And now that I'm no longer a "radical" or populist I just find it disgusting instead of an awesome display of solidarity. Because of course there's going to be splintering, even MAGA has had infighting when it comes to Trump's support of H1-B, Elon Musk getting disowned, the spats Tucker Carlson and Ted Cruz had over Iran, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Laura Loomer's catfight on Twitter, the pro-Netanyahu side of MAGA vs. the anti-Israel groypers, etc. This shit is so stupid, I hate these people so much.

I often have people online follow me under the assumption that I'm "based" and secretly in the same camp as they are. They always end up disappointed. I don't know how else to explain it to people, I'll probably figure it out when I have free time. I wasted almost half of my adult life on the bullshit and it's time to move on. I'm still not "PC" or "woke" and still skew "exclusionist" if we're using mid-2010s Tumblr lingo, but the real enemy is right in front of us and it's a matter of picking your hills to die on if you want to go out in the world and interact with real people. Not floating opinions or words on a screen from shut-ins. "Radicalness" is a poison that destroys you from the inside.

Entry tags:

diary,
kirby

Air Riders!

We had a kirby air ride direct today! ⭐
It's lowkey making me want to get a Switch 2....

It's a game I have always been curious about, but I had no way to play it so all I did was to listen to its OST on repeat (Checker Knights comes to my mind), I had so many of them downloaded on my 3DS lol.

The new version looks sooo fun!!! I think I have said before I was glad Sakurai left the Kirby team (I don't dislike him, I just love what the new team gave to Kirby), but that guy surely knows how to make a game fun.
It's so fast....And I'm glad for the slow mode as well because the scenarios are so pretty, it would be a shame to not pay attention to them.

I always loved how Kirby games always have an element of action and exploring, so it's exciting to see that's still included in a racing game!! 🌷

The new playable characters too.... "I hope more people appreciate Starman! I do!!!!! That reveal was both so funny and exciting, I loved these little guys in Adventure :)
I think if he adds Drawcia I would explode lol And who was that at the end...? I thought it was Dark Matter Swordman at first, but it seems like another evil Dedede (?)

Kirby turned WOKE!?!?!?!?! jkjkjkkj

Btw, the job interview I had this morning turned out fine!
I don't think I did well enough to be hired, but I'm very proud I could talk normally, I think I almost seemed like a regular person.

If I were forced to do that just a few years ago, I would've crumbled... Not just yearS ago, last year when I visited this one dentist for the first time, I got so nervous when she was taking my personal data I blurted out so many stupid things....

Of course I hope I get the job, but this gave me motivation that the next time I won't mess up badly and that I can do it right :)

Entry tags:

In the quest for chinese-exclusive merch...!

A few days ago they announced a pop-up store in China which is gonna sell (well, it's currently selling until september) exclusive P3R and P5R merch.

Usually, I wouldn't care much as like always, 95% is just the same PNG slapped over random stuff. But then. I saw THEM.

FULLY NEW MOONLIGHT BRIDGE TRIO MERCH!? ON THIS ECONOMY???
AND THEY'RE CUTESY PLUSHES- 😭😭😭😭

*Falls on my knees* I need them...
The issue is that as I mentioned, they're sold only in China (and in-person mostly). In the US, you guys can visit Taobao, make accounts in some chinese apps like Weibo etc etc.

But in Europe? They want us OUT from their spaces. We are completely blocked out, I can't view anything.
So as you can imagine, it's very rought to buy anything because we can't even look for the official stores or links to have a proxy buy it for us :')

So for the past few days I have been asking around along with another person for someone who could buy it for us.... I feel so humble...
In the end, China uses Alipay which (surprise surprise) doesn't let foreigners register in. So we don't have any way to pay them.

Then, we found an english site selling them, but they charge $40 for each (their retail price is $20).
And finally, we pretty much have two ways now: SuperBuy is weird to use, but I found the company's official shop thru it, so with luck and if we are quick, we might be able to snatch the preorders when they open.

The second route is to use this one Japanese site. It's kind of a proxy, except you only can buy what they sell, rather than you telling them what to buy. We asked the person running it if they could ship it overseas rather than in Japan, and they told us it was possible! They overcharge as well ($30), but it's less than the ENG site.
The good thing about it that they can go to the in-person event to buy if pre-orders run out (which seems the case as everything is running out so quickly they delayed the plushes' orders)

I think I will go for the JP site to secure them, even if it's more expensive. I have to ask them if I have to do anything special to order though as the order form is Japan-centric and marks my postal code as wrong haha.
I was feeling kinda bad because in total these guys might cost me around €120, which imo is an absurd amount for tiny plushies

But I have just got a call for an interview tomorrow.
Pleaseplease let me get that job, I NEED TO SLAVE AWAY FOR MY CRITTERS

Entry tags:

capy.txt

TFS2025

[x-post]

Uh... I don't have much to say this time! Furry Siesta is a smaller event in comparison, so there weren't as many panels or anything. Still a lot of people, though, and I'm still struggling how to socialize with strangers and make friends with people... Still don't understand Telegram groups, even though I joined one.

Off the top of my head:
- I regret not going to the 18+ vendors at TFF, but I did this time because it was in the dealer's den. Someone was caught vaping in there. Full offense, but don't do that shit. You can get everyone in trouble.
- Getting the nsfw stuff out of the way, I briefly was in a how-to shibari panel but it was awkward because I came in the middle of it alone and therefore didn't have anyone to follow instructions with. My leg fell asleep so I had to get up and leave
- The food at this hotel was even more expensive than the catering at TFF, geez. Sheraton had a Monster for $5, the Hyatt had Red Bulls for $7. I thought the slices of pizza for $4 was bad, well a small full pizza was $17. The food trucks outside on the other hand were worth the price and trekking out in the hot sun over, I'm still thinking about that egg burger I had for lunch yesterday.
-- I was looking forward to the bar, but I only got one drink before I left because I was too tired after 10PM... Ah well... The prices were bougie but the $17 martini I got was strong enough to get drunk off of, lol.
-- Did I mention I used my credit card for the food??? My line was raised because I pay it off twice a month, so maybe this will raise my score since I'll cover it next paycheck...
- I brought my Ivy itabag on both days, but only two people recognized it... I mean this is a furry con, not gaming or animu...
- I'm not a Hazbinnie but the musical on the 15th was fine, the girl playing Carmilla and a bunch of other characters stole the show.
- The drag show the next night was AWESOME and I can't wait for it to be uploaded on Youtube. That was my first drag show since I never go out and now I want to see more in the future.
- I still don't understand Fursonapins. I swapped out some enamel pins yesterday but I think I've accepted I'm stuck with some of them.
- I really need to get a badge :|
- My favorite panel was the LPS workshop... But my custom turned out so bad because I haven't used acrylic paints in so long!!! I'm slowly getting the paint off with rubbing alcohol, my little project to cope now will be to properly redo it at home.

This was probably the best birthday I've had in my 30s so far, I'm already sad I have to go back to work until further notice... After I got my drink at the bar, called my Uber, I came home to a pizza in the living room. There's another event in this state that happens to be on a day off, but it's farther out and I'm debating on if spending $[redacted] to Uber to and from will be worth it... I have until the 22nd to decide.

I have reluctantly accepted that the internet has changed since the last time I went to a con in 2013. I can't return to Twitter, but I have dusted off my Bluesky account (username may change, I can't settle on one) and will slowly follow people and names I collected via photos and business cards at some point. I met one mutual before the drag show, but didn't see another who was looking for me 😭

I spent the last day resting at home because I have to drag my ass to work tomorrow, I think next time I should request 4 days off so I can go on 3 days and rest on the 4th... Harmonycon is at the same hotel and there's a high chance I will be there in February. (Never been to a pony convention.) Same with next year's TFF and TFS.

I don't feel like proofreading this, I'm publishing it as-is.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: N/A

Entry tags:

The Birbs

I know I mentioned before that I was TRYING to find a new home for Rosie and Emmett, but I can't remember if I ever talked about actually FINDING them a new home, so excuse me if this is duplicate information. Anyway, I guess about two weeks ago a woman contacted me about adopting Rosie and Emmett (now renamed "Emma", which makes more sense anyway with her being a girly birb and all) and told me about the setup they (she and her hubby/boyfriend) had at home for their current pair of girl budgies, Wendy and BeBe (as well as their cockatiel, name unknown), and it sounded AMAZING and like they had MORE than enough room for two more (they could literally have a whole flock) and like Rosie and Emma HIT THE JACKPOT.

So, they came and picked the girls up, along with a bag of misc. bird supplies, and off they went. About a week later I messaged her to ask for Rosie and Emma were doing and gave her my email address, and she sent me a BUNCH of short little videos of the girls in their new home. They did a quarantine when they first brought them home (a good idea) and then introduced them to Wendy and BeBe and they got on like a HOUSE ON FIRE. Also, they have like HALF A ROOM sectioned off as an aviary for the birds, but apparently never actually close the door to the aviary so they just have the entire room to fly around in freely. They have SO MUCH SPACE, and SO MANY TOYS and NEW FRIENDS and I am SO HAPPY THAT ROSIE AND EMMA ENDED UP THERE. <333

As for my ALLERGIES, they are actually MUCH better with not having the girls hanging from the ceiling anymore, even though the boys are still in the room, so that's a bonus. (Honestly, if they hadn't specifically told me that they only have girl budgies because they don't want to encourage backyard breeding, I would have asked if these people wanted to take Winter and Shield LONG SINCE because what they have there is BUDGIE PARADISE.) As it is, I'm going to see how it goes allergies-wise and decide in a month or two if I need to rehome the boys, too.

...speaking of allergies, my spider-plant is trying to sneak a flowering vine past me by hiding it behind another plant, but I'm not falling for it. I'm glad you're happy, Peter, but your flowers KILL ME so I will be snipping your vine off post-haste!

Current Mood: tired

Entry tags:

oh to be a turtle on a log suspended in water

[current fronter: nightshade (it/zey)]

god, it's been a while. there's been a lot of beauty. maybe i'll talk about that, but it's not what i opened up the menu to write

so that friend i mentioned, the new one...the simplest thing to say is that it didn't work out. the conclusion ive drawn, however flawed it may be, is that they decided they wanted to date me very early on into meeting me and did not accept contradictory evidence. im an exploratory person at this stage of my life. i feel connections with people easily, but i don't like to decide what we will be to each other early on (or at all, really. i don't like putting people into roles with any sort of finality). i felt that i either had to be in constant subtle conflict with them as they put out frequent bids for (unearned) closeness, or i could give them what they wanted and feel my boundaries get worn down. and unfortunately i took the second approach too often and was hurt pretty seriously in the process

what astonishes me is that i wasn't even the one who stopped texting. i took a short break from texting them every day. i was emotionally drained and waited two and a half days to respond to their messages, which i feel is more than reasonable for an online friend that ive only known for around a month and a half. when i did respond, they asked if they should expect me to be absent like this sometimes and i said yes, that i sometimes took breaks from responding to DMs when i was busy. they said they were worried, so i tried to reassure them that i have plenty of people around me i see often who would step in if something were really wrong. and that was it. they never texted me again

i don't really know what happened. were they offended that i didn't want to talk every day? offended by the idea that id go to people in my physical proximity to help me if i needed something rather than an online friend? hurt that i didn't feel a strong enough attraction to them that made me want to text every day? i don't know. i feel strongly that they wanted something from me and decided that i should give it to them. and then when it became clear i wasn't going to give it to them, that was it. the possibility of my presence in their life as something else wasn't valuable enough to them, i guess

im disappointed that we couldn't be genuine friends. i think we had a lot of challenging and interesting conversations, which is something i really value and don't get a lot of. but i also feel that they needed a lot of reassurance and stimulus from me that i really don't give to people i don't know very well. i feel it when someone wants something from me—there's this pressure surrounding me that warps and twists my self-expression. i want to be better at being clear about what i am and am not willing to do. i don't want to stay in situations like this one where i can tell that someone's behavior springs from desire that i know im not interested in fulfilling. im adverse to disappointing people. but im practicing it, when necessary, and i think im getting better at it

also. i like to be my own being, which is something that previous partners and interested parties have often found threatening or unnecessary. there's been this pattern of people who like me insisting that we're practically the same, that what's good for them is good for me...im tired of it. the commonalities between myself and others are patches of a garden we are both familiar with and can easily walk together; they aren't proof of us being made of the same base materials. does that make sense? we can explore the overlaps between our behaviors and histories and preferences without being cut from the same cloth. and i do not look for others made of the same threads as me

but anyway, the beauty! my wife and i have started doing weekly movie nights, which is something he's been interested in for a while. last week, we watched clue (1985), and tonight we're going to watch knives out (2019). it's such a smart idea. if you want to watch a movie with someone, you naturally set aside some time, and from there it's very easy to make a whole date of it. you can shut out the whole world when you're watching a movie. perhaps a sweet treat gets involved...endless possibilities, really!

recently i discovered a wonderful queer + goth bakery in my area with a monthly rotating menu. my best friend and i have been going together, and ive been delighted by everything ive tried. they had peanut butter brownies this month—stunning! so rich!

i took a walk with my best friend through some man-made wetland used for environmental research and saw such wonderful things. birds! deer! frogs! turtles! and the many plants and algae keeping us company through the journey. here are a few pictures to close with:

( Read more... )

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: N/A

Entry tags:

Colorful Companions

I have a couple of new Valdemar fics that I'm currently doing brainstorming on; CHAPTERED fics, not just one-shots. They both have colored Companions because apparently that's what I'm into lately (I'm also tinkering with Heart, also about a colored/marked Companion.)

The first one is called Insiders: "The peace that has reigned for a century is breaking down; Valdemar is on the cusp of war with not just Karse, but Iftel and Hardorn as well. Into these uncertain times are born six Companions—Companions who are not white like their kin but do still bear their sparkling blue eyes. The children these special, camouflaged Companions Choose will be trained, and eventually sent to infiltrate Karse, Iftel and Hardorn, as spies to gather information—and as emissaries, attempting to preach peace to the masses. Their mission will not be an easy one, but then again, when is a Herald’s ever?"

And the second one is called Strange Magic: "In the near future of Valdemar, the Node magic that Companions use to enhance themselves is getting scarce, being syphoned off by a faceless criminal syndicate and sold to other nations for profit. Companions are weaker, and no longer strictly white because of it. Into this world, Gifts are evolving as well, new, untested ones popping up seemingly out of nowhere. Herald Hugh is gruff and stubborn and can heal from any wound almost instantaneously—but is still susceptible to illness. Herald Kaylor is softspoken and gentle and can converse with plants of all kinds. Herald Maarja is kind and giving and has the ability to bridge two minds together for a short while... even between the UnGifted. They’re an unlikely team, but the one that Fate (and the Crown) has chosen to save the Node magic, to save the Companions, nonetheless."

So, there are those. I might write more about the characters for Insiders and Strange Magic here later on, but I haven't decided yet. And all this last week I worked on Of The Deepest Dye, and now I'm up to chapter five, and I'm at 92 pages and 44,761 words so far. It's coming along really well, considering I wrote the Prologue like FIFTEEN YEARS AGO (or more) and then promptly dropped it like a hot rock. Just goes to show you, keep those unused prologues and notes, you might end up needing them again!

Starting today, this week is a week to work on Horror High et al, so I worked on Temper Tantrums for a while today, and I should be finished it by the end of the week, just in time to post the next HHea fic over on AO3 (Hunting Souls); my update schedule is every two weeks now to give me time to work on other things in-between, and I'm SEVERAL fics ahead in writing, I'm just trying to keep it that way in case I get sick or my computer crashes or something like that. *shrug*

Entry tags:

persona 3

On my fic writter era??? Maybe???????????????

The last few days I have been looking for general Kirato smut (mostly Ryomina as I'm not interested in his other ships + I have read every Aikoto smut over here) & found out there are actually a few fics with scenarios/kinks I have been thinking for Aikoto for ages but never saw anyone else mention.

Even if they're a bit different than what I had thought as it's a different ship, it makes me relieved I'm not the only one who thought about them.
I always have been like "He would be so into XZY!!" "This other thing would've made him do this other one!" or with random AUs and it surprised me that there was nothing about it because it was some "evident" stuff, but turns out I was just looking at the wrong jar.

A bit sad its not for my OTP, but I'm glad it exists at least.

Im not a writter nor a reader (of actual books), but I have written micro fics (they're more of "ideas explained in a longer way" than fics tho) and I have a short one gathering dust since last year. But I dont post anything in public because Aikoto is so pure and I feel I would tarnish the ship...
Though I wonder if others feel the same & that's why there's barely anything smut/kinky around. Or maybe Im a weird bug?

The other day I saw two fics I liked, in one the author hestiated to post it for months for the same reasons as me & another was a drabble an artist wrote and kind of hid it because they thought it was embarrasing (as she's an artist and not a writter, thought it was badly done)

But despite the authors' opinion, I really liked their fics. I don't know anyone who wants to read what I want to write & I'm pretty bad at it too, but maybe someone out there doesn't mind my writting skills and/or thought about that stuff as well...

I'm not good at talking, so the fics themselves arent good to beging with either way.
But I might start trying to writte. And maybe post them over here... someday...
Even if it's just a random ramble like the other day's thanashu post that doesn't really count as fic but it exists in written form rather than being a concept on my mind.
One man's trash is another man's treasure (?)

Reading old LJ stuff, it surprised me back then they considered 4-5 lines a fic. So that kind of motivates me as well haha.

@ the random girl who talked about mama Aigis with me once, I think about you evey day....

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: N/A: "Nothing Left To Fear" on Tubi.

Entry tags:

Alienation

Both Uncle Alec and Uncle Len are over right now, I assume to talk to Mom about Grandma-related issues, and I'm just hiding in my room because...

I used to be really close with my extended family, at least on my Mom's side, I've never really known much of my Dad's side (and from what I hear I should be glad of that), but the events of the last two or three years have really made me feel alienated from them.

I used to be completely comfortable with them all, I used to love our Christmas get togethers and seeing them occasionally throughout the year, but now it just feels awkward and weird for me. This past Christmas was so bad that I'm honestly considering not even going to Family Christmas this year (I'll probably go anyway, just so as to not disappoint Mom.)

But it HURTS ME, deeply, to feel this way about people that I still love more than anything. It's SO hard. And besides the whole thing with Aunt Brenda and Uncle Alec and the storage shed that I've talked about here 'til my fingers were sore from typing, and the fact that I find being around Grandma the way she is now more than mildly painful, there's no reason for me to feel this way.

It's on me, really. My antisocial problems have been getting steadily worse the last while, and my mental health isn't the greatest. I'm on the verge of tears just writing this, tbh. I honestly can't believe that even Mom and Lee are able to put up with me right now. I know for a fact that they bite their tongues about a lot of things I do or don't do around here.

And I know by skipping out on Family Christmas, I'll just make things terrible between myself and my family. They won't understand. When my brother stopped going several years ago they next thing to disowned him. I don't want that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without any family or friends. I don't want to die alone.

I have this fleeting hope that when I finish TKA next month (hopefully), and then edit it, I'll be able to get a publishing agent and get it published, and then it'll go over well and I'll maybe be able to make some new friends through my writing. I used to be able to make friends through my fanfiction, but the last year that I've finally gotten back into writing it, I haven't gotten any bites. I guess Tumblr was better at that than AO3 is.

Maybe things will be different when I start properly posting Of The Deepest Dye, I dunno...

Entry tags:

misc

Fandom questionarie thing

I had these questions saved on a Google Doc, I think I saw them on someone's journal months ago?
Dunno, but I like answering stuff soooo here is it!
Of course, feel free to copy-paste the questions and answer them yourself on your jounal, I assume this originally was an ask meme of some kind.

( Read more... )

Entry tags:

montfort

I have an incredible story today...

So I was on wplace, looking at around my area, and I saw someone drew Chuck E Cheese and wrote an invite to a Discord server. So I joined it, right. And I just started talking about how I went to Chuck E Cheese in the late 90s as a kid and then later on in the early-mid 00s. I have a really bad memory issues, but one childhood memory I have is when I went to Chuck E Cheese on my birthday and the Chuck E animatronic was sitting behind something. I wanted to see if the animatronic had feet/legs, so I peered over it, and he said "do you mind?" That scared the shit out of me!! It's like he knew I wasn't supposed to be there!

And I find out from people who have encyclopedic knowledge of Chuck E Cheese that only one animatronic could say "do you mind?", and it was a location where I lived during the late 90s. And the chat fucking exploded because I might have seen an exclusive stage set and design of Chuck E that was around for a month. This was in the summer of 1997, since I had a Disney's Hercules themed party. I told my mom, she dug out the scrapbook, and I sent the server some photos with my face edited out.

Guess what. I was at "the" location, the abbreviation is AAM. The photo of me with the mascot Chuck E didn't have his face, but what was shown was an exclusive suit. And they could identify it was that stage by zooming in on a shelf in the background. The chair and tablecloth in other photos are identifiable too.

I was at Montfort and this means a big fucking deal to Chuck E Cheese nerds. I've been getting pinged about it in the last hour and I showed my mom the reactions to the photo I sent, I got 2 friend requests too lol. I think I'm going to have fun here

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: N/A: "Thunderbolts" on Riptide.

Entry tags:

Spider, Spider, Burning Bright

A few days ago, Dad called to talk to me about the storage rental plan for my stuff, which has now been scrapped in favor of Dad just buying a shipping container and having it installed on the farm property. Then I can use it indefinitely, and when I'm done with it Dad can have it for his own uses. Whatever, as long as I have somewhere to put my belongings other than the fucking DUMP, which is my Aunt and Uncle's plan.

So, we're going to be moving my things probably in September-ish. The plan is before the snow flies.

Anyway, while we were talking he was asking (again) what my brother's problem is and why he won't talk to him and has completely cut him out of his life, and I'm like I HAVE NO IDEA DAD, HE'S A FUCKING SOCIOPATH WHAT CAN I TELL YOU. BUT during the course of the conversation I DID break down and tell him about Trunks' daughter and secret family in TO because HE HAS A GRANDDAUGHTER, HE HAS THE RIGHT TO AT LEAST FUCKING KNOW SHE EXISTS.

The problem is that now he keeps asking me all these questions about her that I can't answer because literally all I know about the kid is her first name, her age(ish) and how she came to exist in this world. I've never met her, I've never even seen a PICTURE of her. Literally I've told you EVERYTHING I KNOW, Dad, stop asking for info I don't have.

Also I'm very worried that he's going to say something to Mom when we're down there loading my stuff into the shipping container and it's like. I was NOT supposed to tell him about all that, the CREEK OF SHIT that I would be up if Mom and Trunks found out I had spilled the beans would be ENDLESS.

I asked him to PLEASE not say anything about it, but I guess we'll see when the time comes.

...anyway. On Friday I dogsat Pearl and Winston for Amy and Brit while they went off on their annual canoe trip. I didn't particularly WANT to do it, but they paid me $50 and I really needed the money (I owe Mom like $300 right now.) In general I don't like dogs very much, especially little yappy dogs, but it wasn't so bad, and their couch is the most comfortable couch in the history of couches. I slept for almost three hours of the time I was there. :|

But we went for a (short; the weather was terrible) walk and I let Pearl out back a couple of times, and gave them treats, and I fed them their dinner around five, and in the afternoon we all sat down and watched Deadpool And Wolverine because I'm a terrible influence. It was fine.

A few days ago I sent in my application for the Canada Disability Benefit, and now I'm waiting for a response, but at least their website said "response in 28 days or less", as opposed to the Disability Tax Credit, which can take up to FOUR MONTHS to get back to you. I still have three of them to go. I'm also working on the paperwork for the CPP Disability Plan, but it's so convoluted and complicated it's taking me forever to get through it. Hopefully Dr. K is having an easier time with her half of it.

But if I can get all three of these things approved that will be an extra $600/month for me and that's HUGE. It's still not enough to rent an apartment, but it's enough that I might not be in CONSTANT DEBT to Mom, and I could afford a couple of small things for myself every now and then. It would make a MASSIVE difference.

MOVING ON.

I finished Supply And Demand the other day, and it came in at 36 pages and 16,781 words. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. Next up is Temper Tantrums, starting this Friday. I've decided I'm going to update Horror High et al every SECOND Thursday instead of every week, which means I work on HHea stuff every second week and leaves me the in-between weeks to work on other stuff.

This week I've been working on Of The Deepest Dye, and considering I wrote the Prologue like FIFTEEN YEARS AGO and then promptly dropped it like a hot rock, I'm doing really well so far. I'm up to 51 pages and 24,507 words, which is the Prologue, the Epilogue, Chapter One and moooooost of Chapter Two. Getting there!

...

Yesterday my allergies and asthma (driven by allergies) were acting up SO BADLY, and nothing I did helped AT ALL. I basically overdosed on antihystamines trying to control it and I was panicking because I thought my allergy meds weren't working anymore and I needed to switch to a different brand, so I made plans with Mom to go out and find different ones today.

And then this morning I found the spider bites on my foot. Whiiiiich pretty much explained everything. Apparently I'm extremely allergic to spider venom. Not enough for me to go into anaphylactic shock, but enough that it made AAAAAAALL my allergies go absolutely BERSERK.

Today my allergies are just being normal-level jerks instead of massive-level jerks so I didn't have to go and buy new meds after all. :D

Entry tags:

Internet is good sometimes

Wplace has been down pretty much all day, so I will take this freedom to talk about it (they should give us extra pixels for all the downtime..!! >.<

I suppose most of you already know about it, but if you don't. It's like Place (the infinite canvas where everyone could draw, but only one pixel at a time) except this one is on a map!
And that's what I love about it because that made it super easy to find "fandom spots", over Place it required planning and luck (for you too see the post where they mention it) but in Wplace it's like. "Hey, this series happens in Luxembourg" and then you go to Luxembourg to find 8956 people drawing your blorbos, anyone can find it!!

....And that's what we are doing in the Persona 3 fandom! We took over Port Island and Yakushima, I have been drawing non-stop for 3 days and it's so fun!!
This pic is from the first day, aside from a tiny Aigis on my hometown (someone noticed it!! I'm not alone yay) the Ryomina sogabe mini mural was the first thing I drew.

As it's small (I resized it to 1/ 2 ot the size I planned) and I was using 3 different accounts, I thought I would finish it kind a quick, but it took me 7h of focus...!! Accidentally made Ryoji's face too wide, but overall I'm happy with it :)

And the Episode Aigis next to it? I colored so much of the background someone messages me thinking I was the organizator haha. I still don't know who are (or is) making it, but it's turning spectacular.

Then tomorrow I thought "Hmmm... spending 7 hours on a drawing isn't enough, I'm gonna start a mural x2.5 its size. Surely it won't go wrong"
This Minato art has a chokehold on me (that hairclip is too cute...!! Thanks you Nono for opening my eyes) so I started it.
But then to no one's surprise I got burnt out. Pic below is before I left it, the "abandoned" one was the full silhouette + a bit of the hair.

...But then when I checked it again later, saw people started to draw hearts around him!? 😭
It was so cute, and now I felt like I had a responsibility lol So I resumed it that night.

People are so so nice and they're helping me out 🥹 I'm doing the linework + color separations, while a handful of stragers are the ones coloring the most part, we got the full head done rn!

One of them started to write Aigis and it has so cute haha, head full of wife.
Oh and the best part... Someone made a poll next to him asking whenever we think he got a dick or pussy. Someone got very excited, so it seems we're castrating him 😂

Entry tags:

AIcels stay losing

I swear to god anyone that sings the praises of ChatGPT being the future must be an easily impressed normie. I was lurking another site, and saw the idea of using AI to analyze your sketches to critique it comes up. I figured that would be a theoretical "good usage" for AI art alongside thumbnails or a reference tool, so I gave ChatGPT a sketch that looks off to examine.

It took over 10 back-and-forths for it to do just that. What a useless clanker, I could've spent that time looking up photos lol. That's what gets me when people talk about the time spent training or editing AIgen images counts as "work"... the time you spent could've been used to just write/draw yourself... lazy asses...

Entry tags:

The Permanent Stain

I really hate to link to something by Andrew Sullivan. I'm aware of his issues ('94...), he's the type of commentator I just read privately for the sake of not having an echo chamber and to roll my eyes or nod at 40% of the time. He's been annoying me half of the time. But today's post hit me hard.

The Permanent Stain

It’s been over a decade now since Grendel emerged from the forest and the metaphors are understandably tired. But a sentence in a recent Mark Helprin piece jogged my amygdala nonetheless. He described the president as someone who “behaves like a wild boar crashing through a field of well-tended crops. (Look carefully at the eyes, and you see it.)”

Yes, you do. Helprin is as far from being a leftist as one might imagine — which, of course, is precisely why he sees the feral glint in Trump’s eyes the way he does. Conservatism is prudent, diligent care for the inheritance of the past, and the shepherding of constitutional democratic governance away from the shoals of dysfunction and ideology. In that sense, Trump is conservatism’s actual nemesis: a wild boar — psychologically incapable of understanding anything but dominance and revenge, with no knowledge of history, crashing obliviously and malevolently through the ruined landscape of our constitutional democracy.

This very Greek tragedy — conservatives killing the Constitution they love because they hate the left more — is made more poignant by Trump’s utter cluelessness: he doesn’t even intend to end the American experiment in self-government and individual freedom. He isn’t that sophisticated. He is ending it simply because he knows no other way of being a human being. He cannot tolerate any system where he does not have total control. Character counts, as conservatives once insisted, and a man with Trump’s psyche, when combined with his demagogic genius, is quite simply incompatible with liberal democratic society. Unfit.

[... blah blah, a lot of recap on the last 8 months and Sullivan's hateboner for Biden, more notable snippets under the cut]

( Read more... )

When a disaffected conservative who loves Reagan and Thatcher is in the right (no pun intended), that's really when you need to reconsider who the fuck we elected. (I disagree with the successor part, but whatever. Trump is in awful shape, I don't think MAGA will live after he dies.)

Entry tags:

updates

upd8

From the Neocities feed:

I took the review I did for Game Change (HBO drama based on the 2008 election) offline for a few days because I finished the book last week and thought deleting it would motivate me to update with how I felt about that. It didn't, I have such little interest in upkeeping this site. Not a loss because I really want to forget about this political climate.

I'm really not feeling the love creativity-wise anymore, and the past 15 months on top of how much of a pain it is to upload/update my art, I'm really tired. This is why I've been slow to respond to emails, I'm really frustrated and tired of this sphere lately.

If I wasn't such a workaholic I'd take this as a cue to look into Github push updates, but I don't even care at this point. I'll upload art drawn for me last month some other time.

I don't even think the page was all that controversial and neither was the update with info from the book I was chipping at, but every day I wish the joy and investment I had in "smallweb" or whatever in 2022-2023 would come back. If I'm not reminded that my ex was my main inspiration and motivator, I just don't see a point in "making" anything because the same Twitter doomscrollers are there. This can be chalked up to just "depression" or whatever, but I really hate this. I feel like I can't express anything without "callout" types on my ass, social media is boring, my usual Discord company I'm also uncomfortable with. I'm tired and I don't know when things will get better.

Here's a tutorial on deploying to Neocities I found that's pretty good, by the way.

Current Mood: dorky

Entry tags:

games

Review: "Pokémon Friends"

Pokémon Friends is a game about solving Pokémon-themed puzzles. Unlike previous titles Pokémon Trozei and Pokémon Shuffle, it's not a "match three" kind of game overall; there's a lot of 3D shape matching and identifying, some pattern making, some counting things, some "do things in the right order" kind of stuff. A general mishmash of logic puzzles.

The reviews for the app version are abysmal, probably because the free version of the app has very limited play time. Which is why I went for the whole Switch bundle, and also since I generally like these kinds of puzzles.

( My thoughts )

If you're looking for a good set of puzzle games to chill out to on your Switch, though, you'd probably be better off just buying Those Games.